"We learn wisdom from failure much more than from success. We often discover what will do, by finding out what will not do; and probably he who never made a mistake never made a discovery." (Samuel Smiles)
Have you ever been at a place in life where you think the only success you have been is successful in being a failure? I have come to the conclusion that I must be what I have heard some people called, "visual learners", because they learn better through what they see. I seem to learn better by doing, and unfortunately many time, I have done the wrong thing.
You cannot pass through this life without failing in some area, whether it be in a bad financial decision, letting a friend down, not fulfilling a promise... the list could go on. The important thing is that we learn something and take it with us on our journey. Failure is a temporary detour, not a dead end.
Genesis 4:6 states, "Then the Lord said to Cain, 'Why are you angry? Why is your face downcast? If you do what is right, will you not be accepted? But if you do not what is right, sin is crouching at the door; it desires to have you, but you must master it." If Cain would have just did the right thing and fixed his mistake God would have honored his sacrifice. But Cain was determined to do it his way. We cannot continue to do the same thing over and over and expect a different result. We must correct what we have done and do not make that mistake again. If we do make it again, correct it again, until we have mastered it.
The moment you realize you failed is very painful and becomes very personal. Blaming yourself in such situations brings to the surface the thoughts that you felt you were better than that. You verbally beat yourself up, or attack the other person, even if it is just in your mind, to help you feel less bad about yourself. These negative reactions prevents you from both learning from them, and moving beyond them. If you really were responsible for a failure, because of bad decision, or inconsiderate behavior, you can use it as an opportunity to determine just what in your behavior may seriously need to be worked on.
One of the greatest challenges for me is to forgive myself. If you can't stop reeling after a failure or rejection, it may be the high opinion of ourself is being humbled. As my daughter often says, "It's not all about you." The reason pencils have erasers on one end is that all of us make mistakes. Remind yourself that everyone makes mistakes and it will no longer have as much control over how you see yourself. Our shame is self-inflicted. That power resides solely within yourself.
We must see failure for what it really is, a temporary setback, or detour. But delay is not defeat. It may mean the death of a dream, or the end of a relationship, but it does not mean there is no other choice, or another opportunity, even if we can't see it at the moment. In fact, failure can even be seen as a partial success, since it's "succeeded" in eliminating something that you thought was a good thing. It just wasn't.
"There are no failures-just experiences and your reactions to them." (Tom Krause)
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