Brokenness

Brokenness is when you no longer desire to be seen and noticed.

For a seed to achieve its greatest expression, it must come completely undone. The shell cracks, its insides come out and everything changes. To some, who do not understand growth, it would look like complete destruction.” – Cynthia Occelli

Change is like that. It often feels like utter and complete destruction; however, in that devastation, new life can be formed. 

Sometimes the devastation uproots things that we needed to let go.
Something happens that, at first, seems terrible, and even, unjustified. Suddenly we are out of our comfort zone. Bruised and broken, we rail against the loss.

“Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you react to it.”

I have been:

• Discouraged by failures and setbacks...
• Ashamed  for mistakes i've made...
• Disappointed  for making the “wrong” choices...

I know what it’s like to live in regret and feel powerless and stuck because of it.

I have spent too much time dwelling on events from the past that seemed unfair and choices I made that caused me to feel ashamed.

I obsessed about what should have happened, what shouldn’t have happened, what I should have done, what I shouldn’t have done, and how everything would be better if I could just go back and change it all.

Many times we allow our feelings and beliefs about the past to limit our effectiveness and happiness in the present.

And even though we want to let go, we don’t know how. So instead, we keep telling ourselves the same old limiting stories—and in the process, live the story of now based on a sad one from before.

The good news is that we can change how we interpret yesterday, how we view ourselves in response, and how we live today as a result.



At times, I’ve feared doing well.  I would feel like a fraud because a part of me didn’t believe I deserved success.  Or maybe I would be overwhelmed by the responsibility success brings.

I spent too much time in my own head.Why am I doing this? Why can’t I just be me? Why am I so dumb?


Some researchers estimate that we think up to 80,000 thoughts per day. They often center on grievances, judgments, fears, and worries, and they can be obsessive. Worse, we tend to identify with our thoughts, as if each one is a fact, and a part of who we are.


BE YOUR OWN HERO

Most of us want to be heroes - to be valuable, to make a difference, to be admired, and respected. 

When we think of heroes, we often think of people like soldiers or firemen. Or we may think of everyday heroes like the man who threw himself onto the subway tracks to save a man who had fallen while having a seizure.

Heroism  required doing something instead of waiting and watching.

But there’s another type of hero that’s equally brave and powerful: heroes who choose to help themselves and overcome. 

Life is not the sum of my hurts and mistakes. So maybe instead of judging myself for where I've been and feeling down for where I was at that time, I could empower myself to create something different from that moment forward.


Those changes are the result of changing my inner monologue from, “Why did I make such bad choices?” to “What’s the best choice I can make now?”