Transparent Regrets

This year has been a year of soul searching for me. I have looked back on my life and must say with a lot of regret for some decisions I have made. I asked my mother-in-law on of one of our morning walks, if she ever has regrets that consume her at times like I do. She immediately responded, "Oh yes, sometimes I break out in cold sweats when I think about some of them." Because I believe her to be one of the most Godly, sincere women I know, I found comfort in her words, that we all have regrets of some degree.

I never looked forward to being called an old woman. Now that I am officially old in the eyes of children, and sometimes in my own eyes, I understand why in the 2nd chapter of Titus we are told to teach the younger women. There are some paths that we have taken, some mistakes we have made that we can help the next person be aware of and perhaps help them make better choices.

In doing so, we must become transparent. We have to be willing to say, this is what I did right, if I had it to do over again, this is what I would have done. I would not have made that decision, I should not have trusted that person. Hold your peace, keep some things to yourself, be careful who you allow to get close to you.

We must tell them. No one would have known about Peter's denial that he was one of those who walked with Christ, if he had not told them. It was only him and the young girl who knew. And he denied it to her. But he wanted us to learn from his failure.

We needed to see how far he failed so we could do like him and get back up. We have to pass this on to the next generation.

Missing Pieces

Last night my granddaughter and I were putting a puzzle together. My daughter came in and asked, "Did you put puzzles together when you were growing up?"  She said she asked that with some hesitancy knowing she may not like the answer because my childhood stories are not always happy ones to her. 

I told her we did.  We would buy them at garage sales. Sometimes there would be a piece missing, so we would cut a piece of cardboard from a cereal box and color in the missing piece as best as we could to match the other pieces.  She laughed and said, "I knew I should not have asked."

But the fun part about putting together a jigsaw puzzle is not all about the finished product, although that is a big part of the reward.  When putting together a jigsaw puzzle you talk and share thoughts and memories, or even if you are alone, you feel like you are working toward a goal and accomplishing something.

If you work really hard to achieve your goals but don’t enjoy the journey, you are not enjoying life.  Sometimes our goals or dreams do not turn out exactly like we had pictured on our box, but we just make the best of it, because we can't change it now.  Move forward.  Make a new goal.  Enjoy the puzzle of life. In the end, your greatest joy will be the memories you made along the journey.

Keeping up with the Chaos

The weeds are overtaking my garden.... again.

It is called Enthropy. Entropy is the universal tendency toward disorder, disorganization, disintegration and chaos.

A new car left out in a field for years will erode, a house left without any maintenance will deteriorate. When chaos happens, it is not something gone wrong it is what is naturally gone right. The weeds grow, the paint peels, budgets expand, your business slows down, this is all natural.

It all started... In the Beginning. And the earth was chaotic and disordered… (Genesis 1:2) God’s first act of creation was to convert chaos into structure.  He showed us the importance of our human role, bringing order into the world when he put Adam to work in the Garden of Eden.

Wouldn’t it be nice if when we put a seed in the ground it grew into this immaculately groomed garden, all of our children would become prominent and productive individuals, and that when we have a job there would be no more bills.

It takes a constant, continued positive effort to keep all your life organized, maintained and growing. Just like my garden, left alone, it goes back toward natural chaos.

Positive actions - mowing the grass, tidying up your desk, a phone call to a prospective client, a kind or encouraging word to a friend or a child - will create positive results.

Making the Turn

When we go through trials or struggles in our life, there comes a time when you see a light at the end of the tunnel and feel things are about to get better. My pastor calls this "making the turn".

I realized we were finally making the turn while I was clearing out the messages on my home phone answering machine. Message after message were debt collectors that had called over the past few weeks. Some calls I answered, some I intentionally let the answering machine pick up because I had no response for them of when I would be able to pay them.  Thankfully we are making progress on catching up them, but hearing the messages again reminded me how hard it was during the moment.


We received an unexpected blessing when on the phone about my car note, we found out we only owed two more payments. Even during this crisis, God provided a rainbow.

The first time I recognized the power of realizing you are making a turn was after I had been hurt very badly by a friend. I thought about what she had done on a daily and almost hourly basis. On the way home from work one day, I looked at the clock and it was after 5:00 p.m. I had gone all day without thinking about the incident. I knew if I made it through a whole day, then I was making a turn in the road and it was the beginning of a new and better direction in my life. It was an enlightening revelation.

In life we will travel down many roads where we encounter hurt, pain, disappointment. We must remember every road at some point has a turn or bend, where we can once again get past the roadblocks and continue on our journey.

Isaiah 42:16 says I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

Brand Names

When I was growing up, my mother, a widow and living on my father's social security and Veteran's pension, always bought groceries at the first of the month. I remember that is the one time of the month we ate fresh fruit. Toward the end of the month, our meals would consist of a lot of beans and rice. We never bought anything that was brand named.  Whether it was mayonaise or meat, everything was bought according to the lowest price.  I don't think we ever bought Blue Bell ice cream until the older kids got jobs and it was a big deal to have it. 

After I got married one of our first arguments was over toilet paper.  I would buy the cheapest on the shelf instead of the
top dollar four-ply, hand-stitched name brand product. But after that argument I started buying Charmin. There are still times that I find myself having to comparison shop when I buy groceries (except for toilet paper). But on those occasions when I reach for a container of rocky road Blue Bell ice cream and put it in my buggy, I never do it without feeling very blessed.

Actually, there is a reason people are willing to pay more for brand names: brand names usually offer a better product, and therefore give savings in the long run. Every brand claims to offer the best value for your money. Usually only experience will teach you what brands you can trust.

There is a name that has been tested and proven that you can trust....the name of Jesus, it means Savior.

Phillipians 2:9-11 says Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Steps of Faith

I am learning how to trust.  I took a huge step of faith this year when I quit my secure job as a paralegal and started my own business as a mediator.  Even though I felt I was in the will of God, it has not been as successful as I had hoped and prayed. Because of this, I must depend solely on my husband's income as a logger. 

John 5:5-6 tells us about a man who had suffered deep-seated and lingering disorder for thirty-eight years.  When Jesus noticed him lying there (helpless), knowing that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to them, Do you want to become well? 

I am learning that if I want change in my life, I am going to have to do things differently than I have done in the past (thirty-eight years plus).  I am going to have to trust without fear, believe without complaining, and hope without doubt.

I am learning there are some things beyond my control.  I have learned I have to trust God for all my needs according to His riches in glory.  That is a pretty good place to start.

Lord, show me the steps of faith I must take to break any strongholds of fear in my life.  Let me hold steady to your promises with boldness and confidence.  Amen.

A Place Called There

There are times in our life when we just need to be alone and draw away from people. People can discourage you, confuse you, talk about others and drag your faith down. Sometimes you just have to get alone with God in a place called "there".

First Kings 17:2-4 says,“And the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, Get thee hence, and turn thee eastward, and hide thyself by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan. And it shall be, that thou shalt drink of the brook; and I have commanded the ravens to feed thee there.”

The Lord didn’t send Elijah’s provision to where he was. Just as a quarterback doesn’t throw the football to where the receiver is, but where the receiver is going. Elijah’s miracle wasn’t where he was but where the Lord was sending him.

This place called “THERE” changes.  God changed the place and method of Elijah’s provision.“And the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, Arise, get thee to Zarephath, which belongeth to Zidon, and dwell there: behold, I have commanded a widow woman there to sustain thee” (1 Kin. 17:8-9).

One of the great lessons we can learn is that God reveals His will to us one step at a time. You can’t just seek the Lord once, hear His voice, step out in faith, and then stop listening. The Lord brings us into His perfect will step by step.

Prayer:

Thank you Jesus for all of your provisions, for supplying all of my needs.  Thank you for teaching me daily to trust you and to lean not to my own understanding.  I acknowledge you in all my ways and know that you are directing my path. I rest in your perfect Love. Amen.