I should have bruises all over my body from all the times I beat myself up. If I do anything that I feel like I have let someone down, or did not do my best, not only do I play it over and over in my mind, every other thing have ever done wrong comes back to haunt me and demands attention.
The most recent event was missing an area wide ladies prayer meeting. I had a family reunion to attend the same day and although I enjoyed my family I also felt that I had an obligation to my church. Of course the reports come back that it was the best ever and the glory fell and hearts were touched. And I missed it. Regret set in. For days.
Finally, during one long miserable night of my self boxing match, I got a reprieve when I heard this. "Just never give up".
It was just those simple words that said, it's okay, the failure is in not continuing on. Sure, I missed out. Sure I could have made it. But does that mean that I am excluded from serving the very God who came down and touched all those ladies? He just wants us to keep on keeping on. Get up, dust off the shame and regret and move forward.
Lord, I thank you once again for speaking to me and giving me hope. Thank you for healing me of the self-inflicted bruises on my soul. Help me to learn to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and not consume myself with regret for not being able to do it all.
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