I remember exactly where I was standing the day my pastor asked me if I would consider being a secretary for the church. It was such an honor to be asked.
I also remember the day it ended. I walked into the church office to put away the offering on a Sunday morning and someone else was sitting at my desk, unfolding the dollar bills from the offering plates. I still recall the sadness, anger and despair that consumed me, for it meant only one thing.... I had been replaced.
There were other changes being made that I was not aware of. After years of service, I felt left out.
I could not get past the hurt. It consumed me until I became jealous and bitter.
Being bitter is like drinking poison hoping the other person would die. All the while you are slowly killing yourself on the inside.
Hurting people hurt people. Have you ever seen a dog that has been hurt? Even the most gentle of dogs will growl and even try to bite it's owner if he tries to touch the injured area.
I began spending less time in prayer and more time talking to others. That is when we get into trouble with God.
I developed such a rotten attitude that all of heaven could smell the stench. All the hurt, disappointment and bitterness that I had inside came surfacing to the top, like a pot boiling over on a stovetop. I found fault in everything at the church, poisonous venom spewing out of my mouth.
I realized how low I had sunk when I blabbed to my new friend a piece of gossip I had heard about someone else when I myself, had been forgiven of so much more.
I pray that others can heal from the wounds in their spirit caused by this wounded dog. I pray for time to heal, to grow and mature me into what I need to be for myself and others.
It is my prayer that through it all, some how, some day, there will be some good come out of this. I believe with all my heart, the God I serve is a restorer of souls and all that is lost, for anyone who will trust Him.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Monday, October 22, 2012
The Tournament
I played in a 42 tournament this weekend.
The proceeds were to go to our pastor for Pastor's Appreciation day, so I thought I was playing for fun but the partner that I drew played like it was a life or death championship.
I was VERY intimated at first. He was an older gentlemen who knew his stuff, so to speak, and with his obvious and very vocal disappointment whenever I played the wrong hand, I almost withdrew from the game. But then I thought, you know I have been battling intimidation and overcoming failure, so I asked the Lord to help me and I would use it as a lesson in my spiritual battles as well. So I dug in with both feet.
I am glad that I did.
I learned how to play better.
I also learned the gentlemen, as good as he was, also made a few mistakes along the way. He confessed that when he does not win, he cannot sleep because he replays the game over and over all night.
That was very enlightening for me. I realized he does the same thing that I do when I fail at something that I felt like I should have known better than to do. Regrdless of how the dominoes in life fall, we think we should have somehow seen it coming. After all, we have been doing it for years, we are experienced and we are good at what we do.
But every hand is different. Your opponent, the enemy, will make sure he plays the hand that will trick you up when you least expect it. And you knew better.
Those are the hands that give him the most pleasure in winning. He loves catching us off guard, making us look foolish and stupid, even if to no one else but ourselves.
Everyone else just looks at it as a mistake, a bad play. But we take it to heart that it is who we are. But it is not.
One play does not win or lose a game. Nor in life. It is staying in it, looking for a better hand next time and learning from the last one. That is how you get better. And then we can do for someone like that gentlemen did for me. He taught me a few things to look for next time.
Stay in the game, you will be glad you did.
Oh, and the tournament? My partner and I, rightly named "The Misfits" took 1st Place.
The proceeds were to go to our pastor for Pastor's Appreciation day, so I thought I was playing for fun but the partner that I drew played like it was a life or death championship.
I was VERY intimated at first. He was an older gentlemen who knew his stuff, so to speak, and with his obvious and very vocal disappointment whenever I played the wrong hand, I almost withdrew from the game. But then I thought, you know I have been battling intimidation and overcoming failure, so I asked the Lord to help me and I would use it as a lesson in my spiritual battles as well. So I dug in with both feet.
I am glad that I did.
I learned how to play better.
I also learned the gentlemen, as good as he was, also made a few mistakes along the way. He confessed that when he does not win, he cannot sleep because he replays the game over and over all night.
That was very enlightening for me. I realized he does the same thing that I do when I fail at something that I felt like I should have known better than to do. Regrdless of how the dominoes in life fall, we think we should have somehow seen it coming. After all, we have been doing it for years, we are experienced and we are good at what we do.
But every hand is different. Your opponent, the enemy, will make sure he plays the hand that will trick you up when you least expect it. And you knew better.
Those are the hands that give him the most pleasure in winning. He loves catching us off guard, making us look foolish and stupid, even if to no one else but ourselves.
Everyone else just looks at it as a mistake, a bad play. But we take it to heart that it is who we are. But it is not.
One play does not win or lose a game. Nor in life. It is staying in it, looking for a better hand next time and learning from the last one. That is how you get better. And then we can do for someone like that gentlemen did for me. He taught me a few things to look for next time.
Stay in the game, you will be glad you did.
Oh, and the tournament? My partner and I, rightly named "The Misfits" took 1st Place.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Never Give Up
I should have bruises all over my body from all the times I beat myself up. If I do anything that I feel like I have let someone down, or did not do my best, not only do I play it over and over in my mind, every other thing have ever done wrong comes back to haunt me and demands attention.
The most recent event was missing an area wide ladies prayer meeting. I had a family reunion to attend the same day and although I enjoyed my family I also felt that I had an obligation to my church. Of course the reports come back that it was the best ever and the glory fell and hearts were touched. And I missed it. Regret set in. For days.
Finally, during one long miserable night of my self boxing match, I got a reprieve when I heard this. "Just never give up".
It was just those simple words that said, it's okay, the failure is in not continuing on. Sure, I missed out. Sure I could have made it. But does that mean that I am excluded from serving the very God who came down and touched all those ladies? He just wants us to keep on keeping on. Get up, dust off the shame and regret and move forward.
Lord, I thank you once again for speaking to me and giving me hope. Thank you for healing me of the self-inflicted bruises on my soul. Help me to learn to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and not consume myself with regret for not being able to do it all.
The most recent event was missing an area wide ladies prayer meeting. I had a family reunion to attend the same day and although I enjoyed my family I also felt that I had an obligation to my church. Of course the reports come back that it was the best ever and the glory fell and hearts were touched. And I missed it. Regret set in. For days.
Finally, during one long miserable night of my self boxing match, I got a reprieve when I heard this. "Just never give up".
It was just those simple words that said, it's okay, the failure is in not continuing on. Sure, I missed out. Sure I could have made it. But does that mean that I am excluded from serving the very God who came down and touched all those ladies? He just wants us to keep on keeping on. Get up, dust off the shame and regret and move forward.
Lord, I thank you once again for speaking to me and giving me hope. Thank you for healing me of the self-inflicted bruises on my soul. Help me to learn to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and not consume myself with regret for not being able to do it all.
Monday, September 24, 2012
The Power of Communication
One of the basic needs of humanity is to be heard and to be understood. Mediation provides both.
A mediator is neutral third party who helps facilitate a conversation between the parties in a conflict.
I had the priviledge of speaking to the San Jacinto County Interagency Departments this week about the benefits of mediation to resolve conflict.
A mediator is neutral third party who helps facilitate a conversation between the parties in a conflict.
I had the priviledge of speaking to the San Jacinto County Interagency Departments this week about the benefits of mediation to resolve conflict.
Conflict Resolution through Mediation
Friday, September 21, 2012
Limitations and Flaws
Limitations will simply prevent a person from being outstanding in a certain area, but flaws are cracks in our character.
After I recognized a certain character flaw, all I wanted to do was to focus on my weakess. I made it my goal to grow in this area of weakness. Transforming our character comes by transforming our thinking.
Overcoming our character flaws requires regular exposure to the mirror of scripture, as it will allow us to see ourselves more clearly. The Word of God is our guidebook.
Though we must examine our weaknesses in order to improve our character, we must also focus on our strengths. It is the areas of our strengths that we will make the greatest contribution and receive the greatest satisfaction. For in doing this, then God receives the glory.
After I recognized a certain character flaw, all I wanted to do was to focus on my weakess. I made it my goal to grow in this area of weakness. Transforming our character comes by transforming our thinking.
Overcoming our character flaws requires regular exposure to the mirror of scripture, as it will allow us to see ourselves more clearly. The Word of God is our guidebook.
Though we must examine our weaknesses in order to improve our character, we must also focus on our strengths. It is the areas of our strengths that we will make the greatest contribution and receive the greatest satisfaction. For in doing this, then God receives the glory.
Friday, September 14, 2012
The Strangest Secret
An excerpt from
The Strangest Secret
by Earl Nightingale
George Bernard Shaw said, "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, they make them."
Well, it's pretty apparent, isn't it? And every person who discovered this believed (for a while) that he was the first one to work it out.
We become what we think about. Conversely, the person who has no goal, who doesn't know where he's going, and whose thoughts must therefore be thoughts of confusion, anxiety and worry—his life becomes one of frustration, fear, anxiety and worry. And if he thinks about nothing... he becomes nothing.
How does it work? Why do we become what we think about? Well, I'll tell you how it works, as far as we know.
To do this, I want to tell you about a situation that parallels the human mind.
Suppose a farmer has some land, and it's good, fertile land. The land gives the farmer a choice; he may plant in that land whatever he chooses. The land doesn't care. It's up to the farmer to make the decision. We're comparing the human mind with the land because the mind, like the land, doesn't care what you plant in it. It will return what you plant, but it doesn't care what you plant.
Now, let's say that the farmer has two seeds in his hand—one is a seed of corn, the other is nightshade, a deadly poison. He digs two little holes in the earth and he plants both seeds—one corn, the other nightshade. He covers up the holes, waters and takes care of the land...and what will happen? Invariably, the land will return what was planted. As it's written in the Bible, "As ye sow, so shall ye reap." Remember the land doesn't care. It will return poison in just as wonderful abundance as it will corn. So up come the two plants—one corn, one poison.
The human mind is far more fertile, far more incredible and mysterious than the land, but it works the same way. It doesn't care what we plant...success...or failure. A concrete, worthwhile goal...or confusion, misunderstanding, fear, anxiety and so on. But what we plant must return to us.
You see, the human mind is the last great unexplored continent on earth. It contains riches beyond our wildest dreams. It will return anything we want to plant.
The Strangest Secret
by Earl Nightingale
George Bernard Shaw said, "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, they make them."
Well, it's pretty apparent, isn't it? And every person who discovered this believed (for a while) that he was the first one to work it out.
We become what we think about. Conversely, the person who has no goal, who doesn't know where he's going, and whose thoughts must therefore be thoughts of confusion, anxiety and worry—his life becomes one of frustration, fear, anxiety and worry. And if he thinks about nothing... he becomes nothing.
How does it work? Why do we become what we think about? Well, I'll tell you how it works, as far as we know.
To do this, I want to tell you about a situation that parallels the human mind.
Suppose a farmer has some land, and it's good, fertile land. The land gives the farmer a choice; he may plant in that land whatever he chooses. The land doesn't care. It's up to the farmer to make the decision. We're comparing the human mind with the land because the mind, like the land, doesn't care what you plant in it. It will return what you plant, but it doesn't care what you plant.
Now, let's say that the farmer has two seeds in his hand—one is a seed of corn, the other is nightshade, a deadly poison. He digs two little holes in the earth and he plants both seeds—one corn, the other nightshade. He covers up the holes, waters and takes care of the land...and what will happen? Invariably, the land will return what was planted. As it's written in the Bible, "As ye sow, so shall ye reap." Remember the land doesn't care. It will return poison in just as wonderful abundance as it will corn. So up come the two plants—one corn, one poison.
The human mind is far more fertile, far more incredible and mysterious than the land, but it works the same way. It doesn't care what we plant...success...or failure. A concrete, worthwhile goal...or confusion, misunderstanding, fear, anxiety and so on. But what we plant must return to us.
You see, the human mind is the last great unexplored continent on earth. It contains riches beyond our wildest dreams. It will return anything we want to plant.
Tuesday, September 11, 2012
Remembering 9-11
I wrote this on September 11, 2011, the 10th anniversary of the terrorists attack now known as 9/11.
Remembering 9/11
It was one of the most frightening experiences in my life. The day seemed to last forever. No one could answer our fearful questions: who could have done this, why, how, is it over, are there more attacks planned?
I was getting dressed for work when I heard the news that a plane had crashed into of the Twin Towers in New York. I thought, how sad, some beginner pilot in a small plane must have lost it's bearings and crashed. I left for work and continued to listen to the news. Before I reached my office in Humble the second plane had hit the towers and I knew we were under attack. Fear gripped my heart as I made my way through traffic to the two story building where I worked not far from the Bush Airport. I remember the eery feeling I had not seeing any planes in the sky. I never realized how many planes I was used to seeing pass outside my window every day.
I called my pastor. I called my oldest daughter, Mickie, who had a 3 month old baby at home. I called my youngest daughter, Melinda, who was working in a daycare. I thought she may be offended that I would check on her and would say, Mom, why are you calling me at work. Instead, she said, "I am so glad you called. I needed to hear from you."
I left work early and went home and was glued to the television. The scenes and stories were horrific. I was hoping and praying the towers would not fall. I felt if the towers stayed standing, it would be like a sign of hope. But it was not to be.
For days and weeks afterwards we heard the stories and saw the images of the lives that were lost and the heroic actions of so many others. I had such a feeling of helplessness because it was so far away that we would not lend a hand, yet we all shared a common unseen bond because we were Americans, and we had been unfairly and unjustly attacked. America... The land of the free, home of the brave, the land where the poor, the oppressed, those seeking a better way are free to come and live. We did not deserve this.
Americans united that day. Our president stood strong and proud as he spoke words of encouragement and hope to a country in the moment of it's greatest trial. I held on to his words, the words of my pastor and the word of God for my strength and hope that we would get through this.
On this 10 year anniversary, I am thankful for those who gave their life to save others. I am sad for the lives that were lost just because they went to work that day to provide for a family they would never see again. I pray that their family will embrace the memory of their loved ones on this day and know that all of America stands today in their honor and in memory of each life that was lost.
It is a true saying, Freedom is not free.
This day and every day, may our prayer be, God bless America!
Remembering 9/11
It was one of the most frightening experiences in my life. The day seemed to last forever. No one could answer our fearful questions: who could have done this, why, how, is it over, are there more attacks planned?
I was getting dressed for work when I heard the news that a plane had crashed into of the Twin Towers in New York. I thought, how sad, some beginner pilot in a small plane must have lost it's bearings and crashed. I left for work and continued to listen to the news. Before I reached my office in Humble the second plane had hit the towers and I knew we were under attack. Fear gripped my heart as I made my way through traffic to the two story building where I worked not far from the Bush Airport. I remember the eery feeling I had not seeing any planes in the sky. I never realized how many planes I was used to seeing pass outside my window every day.
I called my pastor. I called my oldest daughter, Mickie, who had a 3 month old baby at home. I called my youngest daughter, Melinda, who was working in a daycare. I thought she may be offended that I would check on her and would say, Mom, why are you calling me at work. Instead, she said, "I am so glad you called. I needed to hear from you."
I left work early and went home and was glued to the television. The scenes and stories were horrific. I was hoping and praying the towers would not fall. I felt if the towers stayed standing, it would be like a sign of hope. But it was not to be.
For days and weeks afterwards we heard the stories and saw the images of the lives that were lost and the heroic actions of so many others. I had such a feeling of helplessness because it was so far away that we would not lend a hand, yet we all shared a common unseen bond because we were Americans, and we had been unfairly and unjustly attacked. America... The land of the free, home of the brave, the land where the poor, the oppressed, those seeking a better way are free to come and live. We did not deserve this.
Americans united that day. Our president stood strong and proud as he spoke words of encouragement and hope to a country in the moment of it's greatest trial. I held on to his words, the words of my pastor and the word of God for my strength and hope that we would get through this.
On this 10 year anniversary, I am thankful for those who gave their life to save others. I am sad for the lives that were lost just because they went to work that day to provide for a family they would never see again. I pray that their family will embrace the memory of their loved ones on this day and know that all of America stands today in their honor and in memory of each life that was lost.
It is a true saying, Freedom is not free.
This day and every day, may our prayer be, God bless America!
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