Retracing My Steps

I have been looking back where I have been to where I am today and in doing so, I have felt that I needed to contact some of those who have been a part of the journey.

(What I appreciate about Facebook is that it has allowed me to be in touch with so many people that I would otherwise not have any way of contacting)

This is one such moment:

Connie is a former classmate. She was always a very sweet and kind person. We were friends in school but have not really kept in touch since graduation. I remember a project she did that really touched me. And I wanted to let her know.


Hello Connie,

I hope you and your family are doing well. A memory of you came to my mind and I wanted to share it with you.

When we were in high school we had a class assignment to write about something we wanted to see invented and make a drawing of it. Being secretarial minded and I suppose a little lazy, I wanted a machine that my boss could speak into and it would type his words out so that I would not have to take dictation anymore.

But then I saw your invention.

I was so ashamed of mine because it was from selfish ambition but yours was to better mankind. I don't know if you even remember, but you invented a machine that on one side you fed the symptoms of someone who was sick and on the other side the cure came out. I can still remember the drawing. I thought that was such an awesome thing that you would care about others so much. It made me think I should be less selfish in the future and think more of how I could help others.

Connie, I know you lost a child and you wish there could have been a machine with the cure on the other side and I am very sorry if I have stirred up any sad emotions. I just feel that sometimes we fail to tell others even how the smallest things they have done has impacted someone else's life. And we wish we could have when it is too late.
I just wanted you to know that I am one of many that your life has touched... For the better.

Love, Paula

I was not sure when or if she would reply. I could tell by her Facebook page that she was not on Facebook very often. But later that same day, I received this:

Dear Paula,

I was so happy to receive your message. I do not remember that class assignment but am so glad you did. You have no idea what your message means to me. I am beyond grateful you shared that story with me. Little did I know at the time, that would be my lifelong dream and for reasons I could have never known back then. And for some reason, I really needed your message today. Yes, I cried but they were happy tears. Obviously, I still wish I could invent such a machine. I have been so blessed in spite of many hardships and I took this year off from 3 years of nonstop charity work raising money for children's cancer research. I have devoted so much time to help others in hopes that just one parent never know the pain that Bob and I both know as parents. You may recall that Bob too lost his eldest child to Cystic Fibrosis and I lost my daughter to a very rare illness that most will never even hear of. Our experiences changed our lives forever. I guess what matters is what you decide to do with it. Always know you did not stir up any sad emotions but rather just the opposite. It always makes my heart glad to know that someone is thinking of others and especially my daughter...one of God's special angels. Thank you, Paula, I will remember this forever!

Love, Connie

I am sharing this because this is what I would have missed had I not let her know about something that she did that touched me so many years ago. I have learned that the things that we think are shameful and embarrassing to us at the moment are also stepping stones on our pathway to making us who we are, and other lives that we touch.

Lord, thank you for friends, old and new. Thank you for all the times in my life that you used someone to influence my life. Thank you especially for allowing me the opportunity to thank them so that they will know all the good they do really matters, whether or not they see it at the moment.

The Broken Saw

I have devoted this year to trying to change some things in my life that have held me back by reacting the same way over and over.

I was in New York with my daughter recently. We were on our first trip to ever see New York and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade.

I received a phone call from Noble. He had loaned his chain saw, the one that makes our living, to a neighbor who had a friend that had a tree leaning over their house. He said he almost did not do it, and would have just cut the tree for them, but our granddaughter was with him, so he allowed them to take his saw. They called an hour later and told him that a tree fell on the saw and crushed it into pieces. We had just bought the saw a few months ago for $1,000.00.

I am sure Noble dreaded telling me because my normal reaction would have been to gripe at him for loaning it in the first place and ranting about it even though there was nothing he could do about it now. I was good at that.

But this time, I said, "well, you were just trying to help someone in need. A lesson learned.". He agreed and vowed he would never loan equipment that makes his living out again.

When we hung up the phone, I prayed for him:

God I thank you that you have given Noble a heart that is willing to help others. We are told in your word when a friend is in need to loan above and beyond that need. Now Lord, Noble needs a saw to be able to provide for his family and so I thank you for this debris cleaning job you have provided so that we will be able to buy a new saw and he can continue to work this week. I ask you to give us peace in this situation. Lord, I especially want to thank you for teaching me how to trust you in every situation. In Jesus name I pray. Amen.

I started thinking that it could have been worse. What if he did go and cut the tree himself and the tree fell on him instead? God has his hand upon us in ways we do not even know.

I felt a little growth spurt in me that day. It was a good feeling because I knew it was not me but God working in me, and that meant if He is still working on me, He still loves me.

Noble did buy a new Stihl chainsaw, and the neighbor brought him $300 at the end of the week to help pay for it.

Now I am not saying I will for sure pass the next test, but I am hoping some fruit is starting to grow.

Shame v Guilt

I put so much importance on my actions, that I often allow each one to define me. Unfortunately, when my actions are bad, I feel that must be the true me.

I uncovered the reason for this while reading a book by Dr. Kenneth C. Newberry, Hope in the Face of Conflict. I thought this book would be helpful in resolving conflict in my mediations. I did not realize it would also be very helpful to me.

Dr. Newberry stated that the human inclination to avoid being identified as a wrongdoer is incredibly strong. We deny and lie about what we have done. We blame others. We make excuses. We minimize the injury. Why? Fear and Shame.

I understood the fear part, but what I wanted to share was the part I have the greatest trouble with: Shame.

The difference between guilt and shame is that in guilt, we say, “I did a terrible thing.” Whereas, shame says, “I am a terrible person”.

Guilt, the focus in on the transgression. Look how I "messed up”. Guilt focuses on my behavior.

Shame, the focus is on the transgressor. Look, how "I" messed up. Shame focuses on my self-identity.

In shame there is little separation between the person and the act. Not only is a bad deed uncovered, but a bad person is exposes as well.

Individuals who experience guilt are better able to separate what they have done from who they are. The discomfort of their guilt motivates them to accept responsibility and confess that they were in the wrong. Empathy for those they have hurt motivates them to resolve the breach in relationship and seek the other’s healing. Moreover, to sincerely admit wrongdoing suggests that they want to move toward a future that is more consistent with who they perceive themselves to be. The very act of confession only serves to separate their past action from their identity.

Those who experience shame are very concerned about what others think about them. They don’t have the inner strength to withstand negative evaluations and condemnation without breaking down. Such people go to extreme lengths to avoid feeling shamed. Responses to being called into account range from becoming defensive, making excuses, finding another person or source to blame (e.g. the circumstances), becoming physically withdrawn or angry, making cutting comments and spreading lies about the other party, and otherwise becoming verbally or physically aggressive. The thought of being unmasked and being and object of scorn, contempt, or ridicule is unbearable.

Persons experiencing shame focus their energy and attention on themselves instead of the person they have hurt.

Guilt seeks forgiveness, healing and freedom based on acknowledgment of the sin. Whereas, shame, the person is not able to separate himself from his behavior.

Jealous and Insecure

Overcoming jealousy must be like overcoming alcoholism. First step, admit I have a problem with it, then stay as far away from it as possible.

In trying to overcome my jealousy, I have researched what it is, what triggers it, and how to avoid it.

First I had to understand what causes jealousy. I found that Jealousy is the fear of losing something that you believe to already be yours.

So jealousy comes from fear. Fear brings insecurity. I am well acquainted with that too. Ask me to speak publicly and because of lack of experience I will instantly be insecure and fearful. People are insecure because of lack of self confidence.

In order to overcome jealousy, I have to deal with my insecurities first.

Some of us have so much love inside, but our insecurities make us fearful. When we are fearful we become unkind, competitive, controlling and mean-spirited. Instead of baring our insecurities, we cover them up with pretense. We could say, "I'm insecure", "I'm scared", but instead we bluff to cover up our own insecurity and then the meanness happens.

If you want the jealousy to go away, so too does the insecurities.

Pettiness

When I was going through a time when I was working really hard trying to grow up and quit acting so immature, I asked God to show me what causes me to react to things and behave the way I do sometimes. The word pettiness came to my mind. I looked it up and began reading about the cause and effect of being petty. It became one of the key moments when I really began to mature. 

In her autobiography, Therese of Lisieux describes what she considers as one of the key moments of conversion in her life:

She was the youngest in her family and her father's favorite. He doted on her and every year when the family came home from church on Christmas Eve, he had a little ritual he played out as he gave a gift to her, his youngest and favorite daughter.
One Christmas Eve when Therese was nine years old and still tender and sad from her mother's death, as the family returned home from church, she overheard her father tell one of her older sisters that he hoped that, this year, he would no longer had to play that little, childish charade with Therese.

Overhearing this, Therese, a deeply sensitive child, was stung to the core, felt betrayed, and fell into a long period of silence and depression. Eventually she emerged from it and regained her resiliency and joy. Looking back on it years later, she saw her giving up of that particular hurt, and the hypersensitivity that provoked it, as one of the key moments of conversion in her whole life.

We usually wouldn't define overcoming sensitivity as a religious conversion, but it is precisely that, a conversion with immense religious and emotional repercussions. Our happiness depends upon having the resiliency to accept the many hurts, disappointments, and injustices of life so as to live in the give- and-take that is required for family and community living. And we learn that lesson slowly.

The older I get, the more I am coming to know how sensitive people are and how easily they get hurt. It doesn't take much for someone to ruin your day. We don't just get hurt when we meet open hostility, insults, unfairness, or hatred. We can get deeply hurt just by overhearing a casual remark or simply by not being noticed, appreciated, or invited. The human heart is easily bruised, too easily.

And then, like Therese, the impulse is to withdraw, withhold, grow silent, nurse the wound, become depressed, grow cold. That is why we are often so cautious and paranoid inside of our families and communities. We don't want to be cold, but we're hurt.

Moreover that doesn't bring out the best in us. Pettiness too often spawns pettiness. Thomas Aquinas once suggested that we have two souls inside us: an anima magna (a grand soul) and an anima pusilla (a petty soul). When we act out of our grand soul, we are generous, hospitable, big-hearted, and warm. Conversely, when we act out of our petty soul, we are paranoid, bitter, over-protective, cautious, and small-hearted. When we feel hurt it is all too easy to act out of the petty half of our souls.

We know the truth of that from everyday experience: One minute we can be feeling generous, hospitable, and big-hearted, and then an insult or a simple slight can trigger feelings of disappointment, bitterness, and pettiness. Which is really us? They both are! Everything depends, day to day, minute to minute, upon which soul we are drawing our vision and energy from at a given moment.

Of course we can always rationalize our bitterness, coldness, and pettiness by appealing to our sensitivity. We feel slights and insults deeply precisely because we are deep. There's truth in that. The more sensitive we are, the more deeply we will feel both love and its betrayal. But, and this is the point, we need, like Therese, to see our hypersensitivity as something to be converted from so that we can be resilient enough to absorb the bumps and bruises of everyday living. Nobody can live for any length of time within a family or a community without hurting others and without getting hurt. The challenge is to have the resiliency to live with that.

Daniel Berrigan once commented that if Jesus came back today he would go into every counseling office in the world and drive out both the doctors and their clients with the words: "Take up your couch and walk! You don't have to be this sensitive!"
Perhaps that's strong, but it contains an important challenge to conversion. Henri Nouwen used to say that one of the key elements in spiritual conversion is to move from hostility to hospitality. All major spiritualities tell us the same thing.

In Tibetan Buddhism, the bowl is the image for resentment. In it is contained all our bitterness, disappointment, and disillusionment. We sit holding that bowl in our hands. We can either pour it forwards, so that the resentment flows away from us, or we can tip it onto ourselves, allowing all that poison to infect us. Our happiness depends upon which way we tip that bowl.

How can we let go of our hypersensitivity? A priest that I know once gave me this advice: Whenever you feel stung and hurt, pull away, sit in prayer, and stay there until the pain softens enough so that you can face others with warmth again.
www.ronrolheiser.com

The Purse - How to Stop Spreading Gossip

This is a very good object lesson about how to handle gossip.

A fellow by the name of J. C. Bays told this story: “One day when I was about eight years old, I was playing by an open window and I heard Mrs. Brown confide in my mother a serious problem concerning her son. When Mrs. Brown was gone, my mother, realizing I had heard everything, said to me, ‘If Mrs. Brown had left her purse here today, would we give it to someone else?’ ‘Of course not,’ I replied. Then she continued: ‘Mrs. Brown left something far more precious to her than her purse today. That story is not ours to give to anyone else. It’s still hers, even though she left it. So we should not give it to anyone else. Do you understand?’ I did. And I still understand that when someone leaves a bit of confidence or careless gossip with me, it is his—not mine to give to anyone else.

Offense Will Come

I heard about a couple who had stopped attending church because they were offended by someone.


I think when we get to heaven the number one question will be "How did you handle offense?" Proverbs 19:11 says: “It is to the glory of a man to overlook an offense.”

The Word of God admonishes us to "forsake not the assembling of yourselves together". (Hebrews 10:25) God knows we are not perfect, yet he still wants us to assemble together for support of one another. He also knows if we are around people long enough, sooner or later we will be offended. But if we continue to assemble together even though we have been offended, God can design a service where he can move and make a way for the offended and the offender's hearts to be touched and amends made.

Jesus said that it was “impossible that no offenses should come (Luke 17;1).” If you become a part the Body of Christ like you should, I guarantee you that your will get offended.

We should have it on our church bulletin: Our mission is to offend you! Because it is going to happen. Being a part of the Body of Christ is not for the faint of heart. If you want to grow up in the Lord, you will have to learn how to get hurt and healed; forgive and be forgiven. It’s part of the growth process.

Jesus said, Offense will come, but woe to those by whom the offense comes. (Matthew 18:7) We need to be very careful not to offend. But it is Satan's best trap and he does his job well.


Being in church for over 30 years, I have been on both sides of offense - the one who was offended and sad to say, the one doing the offending. I am thankful for those who can forgive offenses, for they are the true church body.

Come let us reason together ....and overcome offense.

The Principal - All Things Work Together for Good

When my oldest daughter was in elementary school, the cafeteria had a traffic light in the lunchroom that would flash and sound when the kids got too loud. I found it very disturbing when I would eat lunch with my daughter. Other parents complained too and we wrote a letter about it.

20 years later, my daughter, now grown with children of her own that attend the same school, saw the traffic light at a school auction last year and commented to the principal that she missed the traffic light. The principal, Gay Pruett, told my daughter some of the parents had a problem with it and a letter was written about it so it was removed. When my daughter told me about the conversation, my heart sank. I guess I never asked my daughter if the lights and sounds were disturbing to her. Now looking back at how hard it was to try to keep all those kids quiet and eating instead of talking during their lunch I understand its value.

I felt that I owed an apology to the school. I fought the urge to say anything for over a year. After all, that was what... 20 years ago? But, the thought would just never leave me.

Finally, I decided I had to do something. I called the school and found out the principal had just retired. I started searching the internet and found her on Facebook and sent a friend's request. Then I found her phone number. On Sunday afternoon, I called and got an answering machine with a man's voice. I left a message of who I was and that I wanted to speak to Mrs. Pruett, the former principal about a personal matter, and if this was the correct number would she please return my call. I really did not expect her to call thinking that if she remembered me she probably would not want to talk to me.

Within an few hours, my phone rang and it was her. My heart raced when I saw her name on the caller ID. I thanked her for returning my call and told her that I owed her a long overdue apology and related in detail the incident. I told her I was sorry for being so immature and opinionated without considering the school's position. She listened and then to my surprise said she only remembered it being a bone of contention with a lot of the parents but never thought anything more about it. I confessed that I have been looking back and seeing a lot of things I wished I would have done differently. She laughed with me and admitted that she too has things that she wished she had not done or could have done better.

As we talked, I complimented her on her accomplishments at the school and related to her that I remembered seeing her clean the kitchen tables off and thought how great of a statement that made of how much she cared about the students and the school for them to see her helping in that way. I wished I had written a letter about that instead. She confessed that when school stopped being fun with all the new rules and regulations she knew it was time to retire.

She then opened up to me about how that 6 months after she retired her husband was diagnosed with cancer in three areas in his body. She shared how they had hoped to spend quality time together and now it is spent going to cancer treatments. She did not sound discouraged and believed God was working in their life and was trusting Him.  I offered words of encouragement and told her I would be praying for them. We said our good-byes and hung up the phone. I just sat there for a while soaking in what God had just done.

A little while later I received a notification from Facebook on my phone. She had accepted my friend's request and sent me a private message.

Her message said:

"I just had to thank you for your call today. God is so good! Your call came at a time when I have been questioning life. He is so totally in control. Hope you have a wonderful week."

I think of the times I fought making that phone call because of the embarrassment and shame I thought it would cause to me. I never thought of what it would do for her. And I certainly never thought that God was trying to use the situation for a time when she herself needed some answers. Like my new friend said, "God is so good!".

Since that time, we have developed a close friendship.  She came to a ladies conference with me.  I went to visit her when her husband was dying with cancer.  God can take something that the devil has used to torment us for years and in one moment's time, turn it for something good.  That is just how our God works.  All things work together for the good, of them who love him and are called according to his purpose. Romans 8:28

Encourage Yourself

Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted in me? hope thou in God: for I shall yet praise him for the help of his countenance. (Psalm 42:5)

David was a shepherd. A “cast” sheep is one that is unable to get back up on its legs. If the shepherd doesn’t find the sheep and help it get back on its feet, the sheep will die.

After fighting the Amalakites, David and his men returned to Ziklag to find that their wives and children had been taken captive by their enemies, and their homes burned. As a result, David’s men turned against him but David encouraged himself in the LORD his God. (1 Samuel 30:6)

We all get discouraged.  We can become disappointed with ourselves, decisions or mistakes we have made. 

When we become discouraged we have two choices.  We can stay down or rise up. 

First examine yourself.  Then forgive yourself.  Then encourage yourself. 

If we do not get back up, we will die.  And who will receive the glory. The one who comes to steal, kill and destroy.  Give God the glory, get back up... and Live.

But I Can

God said I have plans for your life, You will never realize those plans until you are willing to let go of your yesterday and willing to step into your tomorrow.

But I just can't.  You don't understand, I just can't. I just can't.  I just can't.  I just can't.  You don't know what happened yesterday.  I just can't.  You don't know what happened in my life so how do you expect me to let it go?  How do you expect me just to release it just like that?

Twenty years of pain built up.   Twenty years of disappointment.  Twenty years of bad relationships.  Twenty years of trying to make something work and it just fell to pieces.  Twenty years of just trying to do something. And you say, well I just can't do that. 

Well let me help you with something:
If God can't violate your will.  What makes you think the devil can?
God said, I gave you a will. 

We are putting the blame on something else.   But when you make up your mind I want to be delivered, you are going to get delivered.  The fact of the matter is you have to pull yourself up and say I am better than this. I deserve to be delivered.  I deserve to have a breakthrough.  I deserve it. 

Strife.  Malice.  Envy.  God, exalt your word above these things. 

Make up your mind.  I refuse to be bitter.  It is going to take your will.  

Rev. Bobby Wade

Beware of Bitterness

I remember exactly where I was standing the day my pastor asked me if I would consider being a secretary for the church. It was such an honor to be asked. 

I also remember the day it ended.  I walked into the church office to put away the offering on a Sunday morning and someone else was sitting at my desk, unfolding the dollar bills from the offering plates. I still recall the sadness, anger and despair that consumed me, for it meant only one thing.... I had been replaced.

There were other changes being made that I was not aware of.  After years of service, I felt left out.

I could not get past the hurt. It consumed me until I became jealous and bitter.

Being bitter is like drinking poison hoping the other person would die. All the while you are slowly killing yourself on the inside.

Hurting people hurt people. Have you ever seen a dog that has been hurt? Even the most gentle of dogs will growl and even try to bite it's owner if he tries to touch the injured area.

I began spending less time in prayer and more time talking to others. That is when we get into trouble with God.

I developed such a rotten attitude that all of heaven could smell the stench. All the hurt, disappointment and bitterness that I had inside came surfacing to the top, like a pot boiling over on a stovetop. I found fault in everything at the church, poisonous venom spewing out of my mouth.

I realized how low I had sunk when I blabbed to my new friend a piece of gossip I had heard about someone else when I myself, had been forgiven of so much more.

I pray that others can heal from the wounds in their spirit caused by this wounded dog. I pray for time to heal, to grow and mature me into what I need to be for myself and others.

It is my prayer that through it all, some how, some day, there will be some good come out of this. I believe with all my heart, the God I serve is a restorer of souls and all that is lost, for anyone who will trust Him.

The Tournament

I played in a 42 tournament this weekend.

The proceeds were to go to our pastor for Pastor's Appreciation day, so I thought I was playing for fun but the partner that I drew played like it was a life or death championship.

I was VERY intimated at first. He was an older gentlemen who knew his stuff, so to speak, and with his obvious and very vocal disappointment whenever I played the wrong hand, I almost withdrew from the game. But then I thought, you know I have been battling intimidation and overcoming failure, so I asked the Lord to help me and I would use it as a lesson in my spiritual battles as well. So I dug in with both feet.

I am glad that I did.

I learned how to play better.

I also learned the gentlemen, as good as he was, also made a few mistakes along the way. He confessed that when he does not win, he cannot sleep because he replays the game over and over all night.

That was very enlightening for me. I realized he does the same thing that I do when I fail at something that I felt like I should have known better than to do. Regrdless of how the dominoes in life fall, we think we should have somehow seen it coming. After all, we have been doing it for years, we are experienced and we are good at what we do.

But every hand is different. Your opponent, the enemy, will make sure he plays the hand that will trick you up when you least expect it. And you knew better.

Those are the hands that give him the most pleasure in winning. He loves catching us off guard, making us look foolish and stupid, even if to no one else but ourselves.

Everyone else just looks at it as a mistake, a bad play. But we take it to heart that it is who we are. But it is not.

One play does not win or lose a game. Nor in life. It is staying in it, looking for a better hand next time and learning from the last one. That is how you get better. And then we can do for someone like that gentlemen did for me. He taught me a few things to look for next time.

Stay in the game, you will be glad you did.

Oh, and the tournament? My partner and I, rightly named "The Misfits" took 1st Place.

Never Give Up

I should have bruises all over my body from all the times I beat myself up. If I do anything that I feel like I have let someone down, or did not do my best, not only do I play it over and over in my mind, every other thing have ever done wrong comes back to haunt me and demands attention.

The most recent event was missing an area wide ladies prayer meeting. I had a family reunion to attend the same day and although I enjoyed my family I also felt that I had an obligation to my church. Of course the reports come back that it was the best ever and the glory fell and hearts were touched. And I missed it. Regret set in. For days.

Finally, during one long miserable night of my self boxing match, I got a reprieve when I heard this. "Just never give up".

It was just those simple words that said, it's okay, the failure is in not continuing on. Sure, I missed out. Sure I could have made it. But does that mean that I am excluded from serving the very God who came down and touched all those ladies? He just wants us to keep on keeping on. Get up, dust off the shame and regret and move forward.

Lord, I thank you once again for speaking to me and giving me hope. Thank you for healing me of the self-inflicted bruises on my soul. Help me to learn to accept the things I cannot change, change the things I can, and not consume myself with regret for not being able to do it all.

The Power of Communication

One of the basic needs of humanity is to be heard and to be understood. Mediation provides both.

A mediator is neutral third party who helps facilitate a conversation between the parties in a conflict. 

I had the priviledge of speaking to the San Jacinto County Interagency Departments this week about the benefits of mediation to resolve conflict.

Conflict Resolution through Mediation

Limitations and Flaws

Limitations will simply prevent a person from being outstanding in a certain area, but flaws are cracks in our character. 

After I recognized a certain character flaw, all I wanted to do was to focus on my weakess.  I made it my goal to grow in this area of weakness.  Transforming our character comes by transforming our thinking.

Overcoming our character flaws requires regular exposure to the mirror of scripture, as it will allow us to see ourselves more clearly.  The Word of God is our guidebook.

Though we must examine our weaknesses in order to improve our character, we must also focus on our strengths. It is the areas of our strengths that we will make the greatest contribution and receive the greatest satisfaction.  For in doing this, then God receives the glory. 

The Strangest Secret

An excerpt from
The Strangest Secret
by Earl Nightingale

George Bernard Shaw said, "People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are. I don't believe in circumstances. The people who get on in this world are the people who get up and look for the circumstances they want, and if they can't find them, they make them."

Well, it's pretty apparent, isn't it? And every person who discovered this believed (for a while) that he was the first one to work it out.

We become what we think about. Conversely, the person who has no goal, who doesn't know where he's going, and whose thoughts must therefore be thoughts of confusion, anxiety and worry—his life becomes one of frustration, fear, anxiety and worry. And if he thinks about nothing... he becomes nothing.

How does it work? Why do we become what we think about? Well, I'll tell you how it works, as far as we know.

To do this, I want to tell you about a situation that parallels the human mind.

Suppose a farmer has some land, and it's good, fertile land. The land gives the farmer a choice; he may plant in that land whatever he chooses. The land doesn't care. It's up to the farmer to make the decision. We're comparing the human mind with the land because the mind, like the land, doesn't care what you plant in it. It will return what you plant, but it doesn't care what you plant.

Now, let's say that the farmer has two seeds in his hand—one is a seed of corn, the other is nightshade, a deadly poison. He digs two little holes in the earth and he plants both seeds—one corn, the other nightshade. He covers up the holes, waters and takes care of the land...and what will happen? Invariably, the land will return what was planted. As it's written in the Bible, "As ye sow, so shall ye reap." Remember the land doesn't care. It will return poison in just as wonderful abundance as it will corn. So up come the two plants—one corn, one poison.

The human mind is far more fertile, far more incredible and mysterious than the land, but it works the same way. It doesn't care what we plant...success...or failure. A concrete, worthwhile goal...or confusion, misunderstanding, fear, anxiety and so on. But what we plant must return to us.

You see, the human mind is the last great unexplored continent on earth. It contains riches beyond our wildest dreams. It will return anything we want to plant.

Remembering 9-11

I wrote this on September 11, 2011, the 10th anniversary of the terrorists attack now known as 9/11.


Remembering 9/11

It was one of the most frightening experiences in my life. The day seemed to last forever. No one could answer our fearful questions: who could have done this, why, how, is it over, are there more attacks planned?

I was getting dressed for work when I heard the news that a plane had crashed into of the Twin Towers in New York. I thought, how sad, some beginner pilot in a small plane must have lost it's bearings and crashed. I left for work and continued to listen to the news. Before I reached my office in Humble the second plane had hit the towers and I knew we were under attack. Fear gripped my heart as I made my way through traffic to the two story building where I worked not far from the Bush Airport. I remember the eery feeling I had not seeing any planes in the sky. I never realized how many planes I was used to seeing pass outside my window every day.

I called my pastor. I called my oldest daughter, Mickie, who had a 3 month old baby at home. I called my youngest daughter, Melinda, who was working in a daycare. I thought she may be offended that I would check on her and would say, Mom, why are you calling me at work. Instead, she said, "I am so glad you called. I needed to hear from you."

I left work early and went home and was glued to the television. The scenes and stories were horrific. I was hoping and praying the towers would not fall. I felt if the towers stayed standing, it would be like a sign of hope. But it was not to be.

For days and weeks afterwards we heard the stories and saw the images of the lives that were lost and the heroic actions of so many others. I had such a feeling of helplessness because it was so far away that we would not lend a hand, yet we all shared a common unseen bond because we were Americans, and we had been unfairly and unjustly attacked. America... The land of the free, home of the brave, the land where the poor, the oppressed, those seeking a better way are free to come and live. We did not deserve this.

Americans united that day. Our president stood strong and proud as he spoke words of encouragement and hope to a country in the moment of it's greatest trial. I held on to his words, the words of my pastor and the word of God for my strength and hope that we would get through this.

On this 10 year anniversary, I am thankful for those who gave their life to save others. I am sad for the lives that were lost just because they went to work that day to provide for a family they would never see again. I pray that their family will embrace the memory of their loved ones on this day and know that all of America stands today in their honor and in memory of each life that was lost.

It is a true saying, Freedom is not free.

This day and every day, may our prayer be, God bless America!

The Remedy

We planted another vegetable garden this year.  However, it did not produce as well as we had hoped.  Our tomatoes developed bottom rot, a brown spot on the bottom of the tomato, and they had to be thrown away.  We discovered that the problem was in the soil.  Our soil lacked calcium.  We had to buy a product (a remedy) that specifically treated the tomatoe plants so they could produce healthy fruit.  So next year, when we till our garden we will need to add some fertilizer to it.

I think that is what happened to me this year.  My soil (my spirit) was in deficient of some nutrients and was producing rotten fruit.  It needed to be tilled.  The evidence of what was on the inside was shown by the rotten attitude I was producing on the outside.

Have you ever seen someone do something, or heard about something they did, and you think "I can't believe they did that?"  When I said that about myself I realized I needed to change. I had some things in my spirit that was producing rotten thoughts and attitudes.  It took the outward sign of my rotten attitude that showed I had something lacking on the inside.  And it needed to be treated.

I started doing an intensive study of the spirit of Jealousy and the spirit of Jezebel.  I have not been totally delivered from them, but through the knowledge I have gained from studying the Word and prayer (the Remedy) I am able to apply to block the thoughts from entering into my mind and getting into my spirit.  My soil is being fertilized. I hope to start producing good fruit again soon.

Good Fruit

Our church has been doing a series about the Fruit of the Spirit on Tuesday night Bible Study.  A different minister teaches on a different fruit. Love, Joy, Peace, Longsuffering, Gentleness, Goodness, Faith, Meekness, Temperance.

I am thankful for each of these lessons because I am learning how to apply each of them better to my life. I have certainly learned what happens when you don't have them.

Whatever we think about and focus on, what we fertilize our minds with, determines what and how we grow. 

The people we associate with also determines how our fruit grows. They can help us grow by keeping us nourished with good thoughts or poison our fruit with negative thoughts and ideas.

Lord, help me to fill my mind with good things that grow good fruit. Help me to be wise and to apply the fruits of the spirit in all areas of my life.

Learning and Growing

In less than a year, I have lost my job, my business, and my credit. Moving my office furniture out of my office and trying to arrange it all back in my house, I hurt my back. In a moment, because of jealousy, I spoke against a brother and lost my integrity and a friend.

God used all of these things to teach me some life changing lessons and to start this Blog.

If you are in your 20's you are still just a child. In your 30's you are like teenagers, trying to find you way, and make your place in the world. In your 40's you are learning who you really are and start placing more emphasis on what is really important. Over 50 you realize it is time to give back and start to train those coming behind you.

Today, I am thankful for all the lessons I have learned:

1.     I have learned the power of forgiveness, both in forgiving and being forgiven.

2.     I have learned to worry less. I understand the meaning of the words in the Lord's Prayer, give us this day our daily bread. We cannot get back what we lost yesterday, and we cannot borrow from tomorrow. We only have today.

3.     I have learned to pray. I write my prayers and thoughts on index cards because during difficult times, the devil will try to steal your thoughts and lose your focus with his fiery darts of fear, doubt and worry.

4.     I have learned to be grateful by focusing on what is truly important.

I am not the only one who has faced loss this year. Someone lost their one year old granddaughter who drowned, another lost their 20 year old granddaughter in an automobile accident. A friend was diagnosed with cancer. Marriages have collapsed where their young children are the victims for losing a life with two parents in one home and the grandparents have had to help take on the role of parent again.  Their lives are forever changed. Because of not having a job to go to every day, I have been able to walk in the mornings with my mother-in-law and glean from her stories and experiences she shares with me. Rather than rush out the door after services, I spend more time talking to my fellow saints and staying to clean up in the fellowship hall after serving food without looking at my watch every few minutes, thinking about how soon I am going to be able to get into bed.

 If I don't admit my mistakes how can I learn from them?

If I share them, others may learn too.

Stay tuned .........

An awesome Happy Birthday Song

This is a great birthday song with a catchy tune that stays with you throughout the day. Written and sang by eleven year old, Summer Clay for her sister, Autumn's eighth birthday:

"IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY"

Beyond the Cloud

A man in our church came up to me after church, took my hand and said....


"I see a cloud over you.  Not many days from now that cloud is going to be removed." 

"The reason Satan tries to keep you down is because he knows how powerful you are going to be when you get up."

Unexpected Healing

Several weeks ago I injured my knee and have been unable to bend it. 

I was in service Sunday night when Noble asked our 90 year old former pastor of our church to testify. He had a difficult time approaching the pulpit.  As Noble layed hands on him and began to pray for him, I stood to my feet and asked God to touch his leg.  (He has an old war injury that causes him a lot of pain).  Immediately I felt a release in my knee.  I really did not know the extent of what God did for me until I went over to where my sister-in-law Sheila was praying and knelt beside her to pray. I had no trouble at all bending my knee and have been bending it every day since that night.

I give God all the glory!

Closed for Business... Open for Grace

I stepped out on faith at the beginning of this year and opened my own mediation business.  I told the Lord that I would keep the doors open as long as he provided enough mediations to pay the rent.  On July 30, I told my daughter that I could no longer rent her house for my business because I did not have any mediations for the that month.  The next day, July 31, our pastor asked her if she would be interested in renting her house to the Spanish ministry in our church.  Within one day, we had moved my office furniture out and had it set back up to rent. 

I am saddened and disappointed that my business did not take off like I had hoped. And I had high hopes.  But, I am learning lessons that I would have never learned had I not stepped out in faith.  I am learning that I must trust God in all things, and believe that he has my best interest in mind.  Whatever happens.... I know that He will take care of me.

What is Mediation

Studies have shown that what people want most is to be heard.  The second thing they want most is to be understood.  Mediation provides both.

I had the privilege of being interviewed by a local radio station to discuss the process of mediation.  After the interview, I received several phone calls from people telling me they did not realize that mediation was such a useful tool in conflict resolution. 


Click here for the interview and to learn more about the process of mediation:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=sqaAT68fmjI

Playing Church

When my girls were growing up, it was a common thing for them to "play church".  They had several cousins their age and when they got together they pretended to be the preacher, the worship leader and the piano player.  I remember a particular time when my daughter, Melinda, found some notes from a sermon my husband preached and she preached it to her 'congregation' just as she heard her dad preach it.  She is now a youth leader and my oldest daughter, Mickie, plays the piano at her church.

My grandchildren are now the age my children were then and I have not seen them play church like they did. So I talked to God about it.  I wondered if it was because of the lack of worship they are seeing from us.  Our children and their friends could immitate every shouter and aisle runner in our church but I had not seen my grandchildren imitate anyone worshipping.

Yesterday, God answered my prayer. 

My grandaughter, Summer came over with her cousin, Shelby, and I could tell they had been crying.  She said, "Grandma, we were reading the book of Revelation and how God was not pleased with the churches and we just started praying and walking around the add-on (a big family room they built on to their house) and we were speaking in tongues!" They were not just playing church, they were having church.

When I pray at our prayer meetings at church, I walk and pray.  Imitating?  I could only hope that I could have that kind of influence. 

Lord, help us be an example to our children of this next generation. Don't let us be the generation that drops the ball in passing on these truths with prayer, worship and Godly living.

Family Day

We had our annual Family Day with Noble's family in Calvert, Texas this past weekend at the Country Club.  Mickie and Jake finally sat down with us to learn to play 42. Tera and Shannon were gracious enough to help teach them.  I played golf for the very first time and loved it. Our nephews said Noble and I were naturals. I look forward to hopefully playing again soon.

We then went to Wayne and Elaine's house and heard some great old fashioned singing.

This is our beautiful and talented niece, Dana with her mom on the piano singing "I know My Redeemer Lives"

My brother and sister-law, E.W. and Elaine Whitmire, singing their, trade-mark song, "House of Gold" :

My sister-in-law, Sheila, joined in on this song, "Address Change Notification": 

I think next year I will take our keyboard to the Country Club so that everyone can join in the singing.  So stay tuned for more vidoes next time.

CHANGE

There have been some changes in our church. 

I had finally began to accept the changes and started working with the change instead of against it, when I purchased a book at a resale shop, "Who Moved My Cheese" by Spencer Johnson. I had heard the book was a best seller but had never read it. I was looking for something to take to the beach with me to read so I thought it would be a good time to finally read it.

Oh, how I wish I had read it sooner.  It would have helped me to better adapt to the changes and perhaps embrace them instead of opposing them. The story's unique insights about change brought peace of mind for the changes I am facing how I can better handle change in the future.

It is a simple parable with profound truths about change. There are four characters, two mice and two little people. They are searching for Cheese (a metaphor for what you are looking for in life, a good job, a good relationship, a better position, even peace of mind), in a maze (where you look, the company you work for, your family, your community). Upon finding their cheese, the characters are then faced with unexpected change. They each must decide how they are going to handle the change. One of the characters tells us what he has learned through Handwritings on the Wall of the maze to help us on our on journey toward change. (I guess a bit like blogs).

The successful one reflected on his mistakes he had made in the past and used them to plan his future on how to deal with change. Some of the points I highlighted in the book for myself are:

1. The More Important Your Cheese Is To You, The More You Want to Hold On To It.

2. Things Are Changing Around Here, Maybe We Should Change and Do Things Differently.

3. Sometimes Things Change and They Are Never The Same.

4. Fear of Change, Sometimes Turns Into Anger and We Won’t Listen.

5. Why Didn’t I Get Up and Move With the Cheese Sooner?

6. If I Had Wanted To, I Probably Could Have Seen What Was Coming.

7. He Wondered Why He Always Thought That a Change Would Lead to Something Worse.

8. He Realized That When He Had Been Afraid to Change, He Had Been Holding On to the Illusion of Something That Was No Longer There.

9. He Realized the Fastest Way to Change Is to Laugh at Your Own Folly - Then You Can Let Go and Move On.

10. Admit the Biggest Inhibitor to Change Lies Within Yourself, and Nothing Gets Better Until YOU Change.



I saw myself and why I have handled the changes in our church the way that I have, in that when we have been doing something successfully for a long time, we think it will go on that way forever. We become arrogant in our success. It becomes "our" Cheese.

The book also mentioned the role of the leaders in an organization during change, in that people are understandably more afraid of what the change imposed (forced) from above might do to them. So they resist change. In other words, A change imposed is a change opposed. Leaders, let’s be more sensitive to those working with us and discuss these changes in advance to take away the uncertainty of where we are headed. I see where I have been managing because of my fear of change, instead of leading during the change.

The book also helped me better understand changes in life, in our jobs and our finances. There will always be change.

After we get past our fear, the best thing is realizing there is New Cheese out there just waiting to be found.

Transparent Regrets

This year has been a year of soul searching for me. I have looked back on my life and must say with a lot of regret for some decisions I have made. I asked my mother-in-law on of one of our morning walks, if she ever has regrets that consume her at times like I do. She immediately responded, "Oh yes, sometimes I break out in cold sweats when I think about some of them." Because I believe her to be one of the most Godly, sincere women I know, I found comfort in her words, that we all have regrets of some degree.

I never looked forward to being called an old woman. Now that I am officially old in the eyes of children, and sometimes in my own eyes, I understand why in the 2nd chapter of Titus we are told to teach the younger women. There are some paths that we have taken, some mistakes we have made that we can help the next person be aware of and perhaps help them make better choices.

In doing so, we must become transparent. We have to be willing to say, this is what I did right, if I had it to do over again, this is what I would have done. I would not have made that decision, I should not have trusted that person. Hold your peace, keep some things to yourself, be careful who you allow to get close to you.

We must tell them. No one would have known about Peter's denial that he was one of those who walked with Christ, if he had not told them. It was only him and the young girl who knew. And he denied it to her. But he wanted us to learn from his failure.

We needed to see how far he failed so we could do like him and get back up. We have to pass this on to the next generation.

Missing Pieces

Last night my granddaughter and I were putting a puzzle together. My daughter came in and asked, "Did you put puzzles together when you were growing up?"  She said she asked that with some hesitancy knowing she may not like the answer because my childhood stories are not always happy ones to her. 

I told her we did.  We would buy them at garage sales. Sometimes there would be a piece missing, so we would cut a piece of cardboard from a cereal box and color in the missing piece as best as we could to match the other pieces.  She laughed and said, "I knew I should not have asked."

But the fun part about putting together a jigsaw puzzle is not all about the finished product, although that is a big part of the reward.  When putting together a jigsaw puzzle you talk and share thoughts and memories, or even if you are alone, you feel like you are working toward a goal and accomplishing something.

If you work really hard to achieve your goals but don’t enjoy the journey, you are not enjoying life.  Sometimes our goals or dreams do not turn out exactly like we had pictured on our box, but we just make the best of it, because we can't change it now.  Move forward.  Make a new goal.  Enjoy the puzzle of life. In the end, your greatest joy will be the memories you made along the journey.

Keeping up with the Chaos

The weeds are overtaking my garden.... again.

It is called Enthropy. Entropy is the universal tendency toward disorder, disorganization, disintegration and chaos.

A new car left out in a field for years will erode, a house left without any maintenance will deteriorate. When chaos happens, it is not something gone wrong it is what is naturally gone right. The weeds grow, the paint peels, budgets expand, your business slows down, this is all natural.

It all started... In the Beginning. And the earth was chaotic and disordered… (Genesis 1:2) God’s first act of creation was to convert chaos into structure.  He showed us the importance of our human role, bringing order into the world when he put Adam to work in the Garden of Eden.

Wouldn’t it be nice if when we put a seed in the ground it grew into this immaculately groomed garden, all of our children would become prominent and productive individuals, and that when we have a job there would be no more bills.

It takes a constant, continued positive effort to keep all your life organized, maintained and growing. Just like my garden, left alone, it goes back toward natural chaos.

Positive actions - mowing the grass, tidying up your desk, a phone call to a prospective client, a kind or encouraging word to a friend or a child - will create positive results.

Making the Turn

When we go through trials or struggles in our life, there comes a time when you see a light at the end of the tunnel and feel things are about to get better. My pastor calls this "making the turn".

I realized we were finally making the turn while I was clearing out the messages on my home phone answering machine. Message after message were debt collectors that had called over the past few weeks. Some calls I answered, some I intentionally let the answering machine pick up because I had no response for them of when I would be able to pay them.  Thankfully we are making progress on catching up them, but hearing the messages again reminded me how hard it was during the moment.


We received an unexpected blessing when on the phone about my car note, we found out we only owed two more payments. Even during this crisis, God provided a rainbow.

The first time I recognized the power of realizing you are making a turn was after I had been hurt very badly by a friend. I thought about what she had done on a daily and almost hourly basis. On the way home from work one day, I looked at the clock and it was after 5:00 p.m. I had gone all day without thinking about the incident. I knew if I made it through a whole day, then I was making a turn in the road and it was the beginning of a new and better direction in my life. It was an enlightening revelation.

In life we will travel down many roads where we encounter hurt, pain, disappointment. We must remember every road at some point has a turn or bend, where we can once again get past the roadblocks and continue on our journey.

Isaiah 42:16 says I will lead the blind by ways they have not known, along unfamiliar paths I will guide them; I will turn the darkness into light before them and make the rough places smooth. These are the things I will do; I will not forsake them.

Brand Names

When I was growing up, my mother, a widow and living on my father's social security and Veteran's pension, always bought groceries at the first of the month. I remember that is the one time of the month we ate fresh fruit. Toward the end of the month, our meals would consist of a lot of beans and rice. We never bought anything that was brand named.  Whether it was mayonaise or meat, everything was bought according to the lowest price.  I don't think we ever bought Blue Bell ice cream until the older kids got jobs and it was a big deal to have it. 

After I got married one of our first arguments was over toilet paper.  I would buy the cheapest on the shelf instead of the
top dollar four-ply, hand-stitched name brand product. But after that argument I started buying Charmin. There are still times that I find myself having to comparison shop when I buy groceries (except for toilet paper). But on those occasions when I reach for a container of rocky road Blue Bell ice cream and put it in my buggy, I never do it without feeling very blessed.

Actually, there is a reason people are willing to pay more for brand names: brand names usually offer a better product, and therefore give savings in the long run. Every brand claims to offer the best value for your money. Usually only experience will teach you what brands you can trust.

There is a name that has been tested and proven that you can trust....the name of Jesus, it means Savior.

Phillipians 2:9-11 says Therefore God exalted him to the highest place and gave him the name that is above every name, that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth, and every tongue acknowledge that Jesus Christ is Lord.

Steps of Faith

I am learning how to trust.  I took a huge step of faith this year when I quit my secure job as a paralegal and started my own business as a mediator.  Even though I felt I was in the will of God, it has not been as successful as I had hoped and prayed. Because of this, I must depend solely on my husband's income as a logger. 

John 5:5-6 tells us about a man who had suffered deep-seated and lingering disorder for thirty-eight years.  When Jesus noticed him lying there (helpless), knowing that he had already been a long time in that condition, He said to them, Do you want to become well? 

I am learning that if I want change in my life, I am going to have to do things differently than I have done in the past (thirty-eight years plus).  I am going to have to trust without fear, believe without complaining, and hope without doubt.

I am learning there are some things beyond my control.  I have learned I have to trust God for all my needs according to His riches in glory.  That is a pretty good place to start.

Lord, show me the steps of faith I must take to break any strongholds of fear in my life.  Let me hold steady to your promises with boldness and confidence.  Amen.

A Place Called There

There are times in our life when we just need to be alone and draw away from people. People can discourage you, confuse you, talk about others and drag your faith down. Sometimes you just have to get alone with God in a place called "there".

First Kings 17:2-4 says,“And the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, Get thee hence, and turn thee eastward, and hide thyself by the brook Cherith, that is before Jordan. And it shall be, that thou shalt drink of the brook; and I have commanded the ravens to feed thee there.”

The Lord didn’t send Elijah’s provision to where he was. Just as a quarterback doesn’t throw the football to where the receiver is, but where the receiver is going. Elijah’s miracle wasn’t where he was but where the Lord was sending him.

This place called “THERE” changes.  God changed the place and method of Elijah’s provision.“And the word of the LORD came unto him, saying, Arise, get thee to Zarephath, which belongeth to Zidon, and dwell there: behold, I have commanded a widow woman there to sustain thee” (1 Kin. 17:8-9).

One of the great lessons we can learn is that God reveals His will to us one step at a time. You can’t just seek the Lord once, hear His voice, step out in faith, and then stop listening. The Lord brings us into His perfect will step by step.

Prayer:

Thank you Jesus for all of your provisions, for supplying all of my needs.  Thank you for teaching me daily to trust you and to lean not to my own understanding.  I acknowledge you in all my ways and know that you are directing my path. I rest in your perfect Love. Amen.

Double Yoke Blessings

I cracked open an egg this morning and to my surprise, it was a double yoked egg.  I love to find double yoked eggs.  You get double of what you were expecting. 

I thought of the double blessings Job received.  What happened to Job?  The Lord blessed the latter days of Job more than his beginning. (Job 42:12) 

I have not endured trials and testing as well as Job.  But James 5:11 (NIV) says, "As you know, we count as blessed those who have persevered.  You have heard of Job's perserverance and have seen what the Lord finally brought about.  The Lord is full of compassion and mercy.

The Lord is full of compassion and mercy....

As I continue on my course, because of God's compassion and mercy, I am expecting double yoke blessings in my life. 

I pray that you find a double yoked blessing today.

This Is Only A Test

"This is a test. This station is conducting a test of the Emergency Broadcast System.  This is only a test."

Have you ever heard this announcement coming across your radio, followed by a loud high pitch tone?  Don’t you wish life would play an announcement right before you were going to go through a trial or a test? If we knew it was a test, we may not be so fearful, question why this is happening and we would make better choices and our attitude would be better. 

So, the next time you feel like things are not going well, you are lured into a situation that does not feel quite right, or you are tempted to say something that is not appropriate, let the warning signal go off in your brain until you can get past the temptation.

There is nothing worse than finding out you did not do well after a test and you realize, I should have known better.  I should have been more prepared.

The next time you face a situation that makes you question what is happening, or why, just remember two things. 

1.  I don't want to go back to the way I used to be. 

2.  God is using this to lead me to something greater than He has planned.

Then afterwards you will hear...."If this had been an actual emergency, you would have been instructed to tune to one of the broadcast stations in your area."

Or perhaps "Well done thy good and faithful servant. "

I don’t want to go back. God has a great plan for my life.

Forgive yourself

The Master was always teaching that guilt is an evil emotion to be avoided like the very devil -- all guilt.
"But are we not to hate our sins?" a disciple said one day.
"When you are guilty, it is not your sins you hate but yourself." - Anthony De Mello

When a trust has been broken, people on both sides have decisions to make about how to respond to the hurt they have suffered—or the pain they themselves have inflicted upon others.

What if there is no way to right the wrong? How do we fill the need to feel forgiven of our past sins or our most evil failures? Every time we look back and still feel guilty or wonder if it's been forgiven due to how great we feel you failed, we are saying that our failure is greater than what Jesus did for us.

What Satan tries to get us to do is to see our sin and failures as greater than the Blood of Jesus and consider it powerless against our sin.  It becomes a stronghold against us.


Accept forgiveness for youself. 

Learn from your mistakes.

The more you learn about yourself, the less likely you are to make the same mistake again.

Leaving the City of Regret

LEAVING THE CITY OF REGRET
by Larry Harp

I had not really planned on taking a trip this time of year, and yet I found myself packing rather hurriedly. This trip was going to be unpleasant and I knew in advance that no real good would come of it. I'm talking about my annual "Guilt Trip."

I got tickets to fly there on Wish I Had airlines. It was an extremely short flight. I got my baggage, which I could not check. I chose to carry it myself all the way. It was weighted down with a thousand memories of what might have been. No one greeted me as I entered the terminal to the Regret City International Airport. I say international because people from all over the world come to this dismal town.

As I checked into the Last Resort Hotel, I noticed that they would be hosting the year's most important event, the Annual Pity Party. I wasn't going to miss that great social occasion. Many of the towns leading citizens would be there.
First, there would be the Done family, you know, Should Have, Would Have and Could Have. Then came the I Had family. You probably know ol' Wish and his clan. Of course, the Opportunities would be present, Missed and Lost. The biggest family would be the Yesterday's. There are far too many of them to count, but each one would have a very sad story to share.

Then Shattered Dreams would surely make and appearance. And It's Their Fault would regale us with stories (excuses) about how things had failed in his life, and each story would be loudly applauded by Don't Blame Me and I Couldn't Help It.

Well, to make a long story short, I went to this depressing party knowing that there would be no real benefit in doing so. And, as usual, I became very depressed. But as I thought about all of the stories of failures brought back from the past, it occurred to me that all of this trip and subsequent "pity party" could be cancelled by ME!

I started to truly realize that I did not have to be there. I didn't have to be depressed. One thing kept going through my mind, I CAN'T CHANGE YESTERDAY, BUT I DO HAVE THE POWER TO MAKE TODAY A WONDERFUL DAY. I can be happy, joyous, fulfilled, encouraged, as well as encouraging. Knowing this, I left the City of Regret immediately and left no forwarding address. Am I sorry for mistakes I've made in the past? YES! But there is no physical way to undo them.

So, if you're planning a trip back to the City of Regret, please cancel all your reservations now. Instead, take a trip to a place called, Starting Again. I liked it so much that I have now taken up permanent residence there. My neighbors, the I Forgive Myselfs and the New Starts are so very helpful. By the way, you don't have to carry around heavy baggage, because the load is lifted from your shoulders upon arrival. God bless you in finding this great town. If you can find it -- it's in your own heart -- please look me up. I live on I Can Do It street.

Our Daily Bread

Worry is the pre-occupation that I may not get what I want or I may lose what I have. 

What we are saying is that this thing is so important to me that instead of accepting what God has allowed, that He is my source, that he controls everything, and that if it does or does not happen, it is going to be okay; instead of accepting those realities….we worry.

Those are the times in life when we allow something other than God to be our center.

I have been reading a book by Dale Carnegie, "How to Stop Worrying and Start Living".

Of course you know if I am reading that book, then I must have a problem with worrying. I would say I am an honor graduate in that area. I am married to a logger where the weather affects everything. It could be dry in the woods but that means the mills get filled and you get shut out. If you get a lot of rain, the mills are offering great prices for the wood but it is too wet to haul them. I have just started out in my mediation business and have had only one mediation at my office in 3 months. I got a call from my ob-gyn office that my pap came back abnormal and I need to go in for another test.

So, I needed this book!

One of the first things he reminds us of is the Lord's Prayer. "Give us this day our daily bread." The prayer tells us to only ask for today's bread. It does not say complain about yesterday or tell us to be concerned about tomorrow's bread.

Three steps he suggested to apply to stop worrying are:

1.      Analyze the situation fearlessly and honestly and figure out what the worst that could possibly happen as a result of this failure. Acceptance of what has happened is the first step to overcoming the consequences of any misfortune.

2.      After figuring out what was the worst that could possibly happen, reconcile myself to accepting it.

3.      From that time on, calmly devote my time and energy to trying to improve upon the worst which I had already accepted mentally.

This is the day which the Lord has made, I will rejoice and be glad in it.

A New Chapter

I heard an awesome message by our assistant pastor last night. "The Good News is.. The Bad News was Wrong. "

Click here to watch:

http://splendorafpc.com/?page_id=17


In the message he made the statement that when we have done something wrong it is just a bad chapter in our lives.

It is not the end. It is just one chapter. A chapter of a lesson learned. When that chapter ends a new one begins.

Failure is when you give up.... All you have to do to win, is to get back up.

Easter 2012- It is Finished

In an Easter service 2012, was the end of something that Satan could have used to destroy us but I believe became the beginning of something great.

It began with the Youth Sign Team performing "The Presence of The Lord"

Since God is present everywhere, when we talk about the presence of God we are really talking becoming conscious of His presence.

The manifest presence of God brings power, changes lives and reveals the glory of God. And that is exactly what happened this Easter! God came in when He was least expected and most needed!!




I had been given a revelation over a year ago about being Undercover, under the protection of God. However, I let my guard down. I liken it to this:

We had some remodeling done on the front of our church building. However, some sparrows came in and made a nest in the crevices that were open. They slowly began to chip away at the stucco. Every morning there would be little chips of stucco on the ground below. Finally, our pastor had to add more material to prevent the birds from destroying what was built up for the good of the church. It was not the sparrows fault. They were just being birds. We just had to stop them from doing any more damage.

I had allowed something to come into my life and tear down and almost destroy the very thing that was making me better. I was becoming negative in my thoughts and my speaking. It did not stop until it was revealed. Then my embarrassement, guilt, and shame almost destroyed me. I was consumed with condemnation. I did not want to go outside my house. I did not want to hurt anyone else. I was afraid of me. I cried, prayed and repented, but could not find peace. I was afraid that this must be God's punishment for neglecting the gift he had given me.

God siezes moments like this. When we get down to the very bottom and there is no where to go. He wants us to know is it him doing the work to repair the damage, not us. He loves to come when He is least expected and yet most needed.
In that service, where the presence of God was so strong, the person that I had offended and hurt came and took my hand and danced with me. There are not words to described what happened to me in that moment. But, I know this, I do not ever want to forget it. Many other lives were touched that night. Our youth pastor admonished his youth to go home and write down what had happened to them so they will not forget and it would not be taken from them. I want to do the same thing.

When you have been in the presence of the Lord, you are cleansed from all sin and guilt, empowered with faith, and walk in renewed confidence.

Whether it be fighting a giant, being thrown in a lion's den, or suffering from a personal failure, though Satan meant it for evil....if we will allow Him, God will turn it for good!

The Presence of the Lord

God loves to come when He is least expected and yet most needed!

My hands still tremble from the service we were in last night.

Watch this clip from our Youth Sign Team performing The Presence of the Lord Is Here to see where it all started.....

Since God is present everywhere, when we talk about the presence of God we are really talking becoming conscious of His presence.

The manifest presence of God brings power, changes lives and reveals the glory of God. And that is exactly what happened this Easter! God came in when He was least expected and most needed!!

A Walk to Remember

A friend called me and told me that I just "had to go" to this display at the Second Baptist Church.  We are both Pentecostal but she had gone with a friend who attends there and said it was amazing.  I was not far from there.  I was alone and so I decided to go.  I am so glad that I did. 

It was called the Passion Week Experience or Stations of the Cross. 

Click here to watch a clip about it from their website:
http://bcove.me/h23yyigf

The experience was unforgettable. At the self-guided tour, there were eight areas displaying items associated with the events surrounding the betrayal and crucifixion of Jesus. You are asked to walk up and observe each item. If you wish, you may touch, pick up or even smell any of the items.  Everyone was so polite and provided me with a printed guide which described each display to help you reflect on each element’s relevance to the story of Good Friday and how its truth can make an impact on your life today.

There was such a reverance, a peace that I felt the moment I walked in. I first came to the water basins where the priest had to wash their hands before entering.  I was hesitant at first about participating because I was only a visitor to this church, but the people at each display were so kind and inviting.  I put my hands out and the lady at the basin poured cool water over my hands.  The moment the water touched my hands,  I burst out in tears that I did not even realize were at the surface.  I had been struggling with some issues in my life that week and it was like a dam broke inside me and the tears just began to overflow onto my face. It felt like every sin had been washed off of my hands as the water poured over my hands and down into the basin below. I felt like a heavy load had been lifted off of me.  It was incredible. 

From there on I could not stop crying as I walked to each display. I tasted the last supper, sat in the Garden of Gethsemane, smelled the spices, touched each of the thirty pieces of silver, felt the crown of thorns and spikes and imagined the pain. There was dramatic music playing in the background with the distant sound of a hammer hitting nail which you found out at the end was an opportunity to physically nail your burdens and sins to a large cross. By the time I reached the cross and make the long walk down the altar to where the cross was laid, my knees were trembling.  I wrote down the burdens I had been been carrying on a piece of paper they provided, picked up a hammer and nail and nailed them to the cross.  I felt bad for hitting the nail so hard, because I knew that is what they did to Jesus, unmercifully inflicting pain on his body.  But I knew that is what he came, to away take all our burdens, our sins, and our failures. By the time my paper was firmly nailed to the cross I could not contain my spirit and I began speaking in tongues as the spirit gave the utterance. Although I was not loud, there was a young man there at the display and I am certain he heard me.  But he did not seem offended. He smiled when I shook his hand thanked him for what they were doing. 

I walked away .... touched and very thankful for the experience.